The old, the new Harvard

Harvard, the first college in North America, was established in 1636 for "Christ and the Church." The minister who founded the school, John Harvard, said: "Let every student be plainly instructed and earnestly pressed to consider well the main ends of his life and studies; to know God and Jesus Christ."

It's no wonder then that 52 percent of 17th century Harvard graduates became ministers! In fact, virtually every other Ivy League school such as Yale and Princeton was also established primarily to train ministers of the gospel and to evangelize. Sadly, today you will scarcely hear the name of God on the campuses of these great institutions.

The problem with picnics

The problem with picnics is that they're always held on holidays when ants have the day off, too.

Red, White . . . Blue Angels!

WOW!

Mommy, Your Tongue is Huge!

My. . . what a big tongue you have mommy!

Believe it . . . or not?

What Kind of Call Was That?

I Can't Believe My Eyes!

I do. . . you may kiss the bride!

When Insults Had Class

Have you ever had a time when you wish you could have said something like one of these?


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."-- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play, bring a friend... if you have one."-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination."-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."-- Billy Wilder

Employee of the Month

Don't You Love Animals . . .

They are great friends! --Always respecting your creativity for thinking outside the box....

and you might just find a friend for life....

Your friends support you....

And encourage you to follow your heart wherever it takes you....

And when someone reaches out to you,Don't be afraid to love them back....

They'll be there when you need a shoulder to lean on....

Bird Flu Hits Florida

That bird flu is some serious stuff. Watch out so this doesn't happen to your neighborhood!

Montana Cowboy and the Government

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young blond man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS sat ellite navigation system to get a n exact fix on his location which he th en fee ds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the cowboy. He watches the young man sel ect one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?" "You're a Congressman for the U. S. Government", says the cowboy. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows... This is a herd of sheep." "Now please give me back my dog."

Why did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Oprah & Famous Talking Heads Answer, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

*The opinions expressed here are not necessarily those of the blogger nor the spokesperson featured (humor purposes only)

OPRAH: Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.


DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on "THIS" side of the road before it goes after the problem on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.


PRESIDENT BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DONALD RUMSFELD: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.


JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am for it now, and will remain against it.


PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth
in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's why they call it the "other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that!

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together - in peace.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2006,which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet explorer is an integral part of chicken. The Platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&^( C /\..... reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?!