You May be Addicted to the Internet if...

~You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.
~You wake up at 2 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
~You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape 4.0 or higher."
~You put down your internet address when filling out your driver's license application.
~You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
~You laugh at people with 14.4K-baud modems.
~You start using smileys in your snail mail.
~The last girl you picked up was a JPEG.
~You have engaged to someone you've never actually met except through e-mail.
~You introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife" or husband as "myman@tv.hubby" and refer to your children as "client applications".
~You name your children Mosaic, Java and Eudora.
~You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap ... and your child in the overhead compartment.
~Only communication in your household is through email.
~You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
~All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: cable modem...DSL...T1...T3...wireless.
~And even your night dreams are in HTML.
~You think Webster's Dictionary is a directory of Web sites.
~You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
~Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
~You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.
~All of your friends have an @ in their names.
~You chat several times a day with a stranger from South Africa but haven't spoken to your next-door neighbor yet this year.
~You refer to your age as 3.x.
~You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
~You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
~You really did ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
~There is an I.V. stand next to your mini tower.
~Choice between paying AOL bill and paying for kids education is easy -- if a little painful for your kids.
~AT&T names you Customer of the Month for the third consecutive time.
~Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
~You have to install a second phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.
~You hide the bill from the spouse because you may have to sell the family car to pay it.
~Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
~Batteries in the TV remote now last for months.
~You hire a housekeeper for your home page.
~New mail alarm on your palmtop annoys other churchgoers.
~Your mouse-clicking forearm rivals Popeye's.
~Your household pets mimic the soundblaster card for attention.
~You unsuccessfully try to download a pizza from www.dominos.com.
~You try to order a movie from Blockbuster video by downloading it at 44,000 BPS.
~You get hundreds of comments posted for you at EBay.com.
~You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
~You can't call your mother ... she doesn't have a modem.
~You tell the taxi driver you live at http://1100.sunset.ave/mansion/brick.html
~You're upset because an obituary fails to mention the deceased's new email address.
~You try to pay the babysitter via electronic transfer or PayPal.
~You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
~When your car is crashing through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the Back button.
~Your desk collapses under the weight of your computer peripherals.
~You want to meet someone new and your first impulse is to turn on your computer.
~You double click your TV remote
~You forget that you don't have to use your keyboard when using your telephone.
~You try to enter your password on the microwave.
~You have more than 5 email addresses.
~You set up a webpage for each of your kids.
~Your dog has its own home page too.
~You use more than 20 passwords.
~Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
~If you can write a list like this.
~If you immediately think of ten people to whom you want to send this list.
~You come back and check this list every half-hour.